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fate and eggs

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(Keep your secret)

That night [28 Dec 2012|09:15am]
Vulnerability of early winter nights
Tiny twin rivers born across my cheeks
Later dried by the slumber of missing hours
And sweetness of drink flavored breath

Gray skies swept away reveal smiles, a laugh
The listless resurfacing of sobriety
Like a morning tide, languid waves flooding in
Racing back to darkness of memories drank away

These nights’ exist, possessed only by alert minds
Of those savoring ice diluted drinks in dewy glasses
Those late in coming might make witness for a time
Before abandoning all with wild enthusiasm

But I digress, this evening there were just three
The angry fourth, gone while I was lost in black
That open seat still warm, already a promise

Broken blurs, missing scenes, a montage
Moments, months pass, whisper-quiet lips
Punctuate these still vodka-logged thoughts
Weeks old news now, remains a mystery

(Keep your secret)

cant find the disco [17 Aug 2009|08:22pm]
Picture thrashing, breaking, destroying, punishing, ending.
Liar whore liar
Picture fire, water, ice, death, beginnings, endings
remember Laughter cruel striking faking wishing

So fucking stupid

Picture lasting, broken, shrieking, shaking, sleep, endless


We try to keep them indoors, surrounded by lights and distraction, cut out instant reality tv. Made unreal.
Keep it to yourself
Picture abandoned, weak, starving, empty


Picture daylight, daybreak, sleep. Home videos on loop, drawn blinds and windows nailed shut.
We need something
can't see anything through all this apathy

Picture control, balance, stability, accomplishment
Keep.
It.
To.
Yourself.
Aging twisted self,
Picture peaCEFUL dark quiet….coffins maybe

(Keep your secret)

[01 Aug 2009|06:44pm]
i could take out my eyes
so that i dont have to look at you

(Keep your secret)

[13 May 2009|01:00am]
[ mood | bland ]

remember not to feel too much
remember not to ask for anything
remember not to answer the phone if you cannot talk
and try not to remember what it's like


I feel a little claustrophobic
like the sky is solid and getting closer,
like the people in my life
are diminishing and getting older

200 miles away and

I could use a stiff drink

(Keep your secret)

[25 Jun 2008|08:12am]
There's a bullet in the fire
spilling my thoughts
in the sand
pretty, sticky, red

I've got half a city block
in my chest

when I think about you
I could
use a bottle of eucerin
on my heart
it would still dry out

I could just eat you alive
and spend a week's secrets
spitting cement
spitting indifference

choking on indecision

you make me sick

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

in the face with raindrops [29 Feb 2008|08:30pm]
...With all those scars
Piercings polka dotting his perfect features,
he looked like poetry in braile.
So beautiful.
The blue in his eyes stretched half his face
until he was an entire world and this world was too big
So much bigger than me
With his dark hair forests, his hands, heavy as mountains
hurtful as volcanoes
I could travel through all the lakes he kept in his stomach, the roads in his arms, the miles of his perfection.
He was night, he was day
He was everything, everyone
Earthquakes in his heart
I wanted to bury myself in his dirt, fold myself into his skin. Live there forever.

(Keep your secret)

vent [24 Feb 2008|11:22am]
[ mood | cloudy ]

So much indifference, sugar
baby, pumpkin
you remind me of teen angst
and the late 90's
of fever dreams and fridays
What's the worst thing you've ever done?

I'd wade through a mile
of vomit
just to see you squirm
when I get close
and break every bone in your hand
to get my ring back

why are you so cold?

Just stab me with a fork
cuz I think I'm done.

(5 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

[15 Jul 2006|02:51am]
i hate this fucking place.

(Keep your secret)

I loath and abhor this place [23 May 2006|07:11am]
I am, I was, I shall be.








lost (gone)
am (were)
I (we)
enough*
long dead to me *not dead
her time *whore*
say *cunt* dead before
The best of friends they'll
breathe.
til you cannot
Your face landsliding
does. It always is cancer
It will end like it always

without a soul.
you cannot have a soulmate

disloyal but unconscious.
(bloody thighs, euthanize)
ex oh >dreadful< ex
ensue will be most of all delicious
just play. The hate that will
the sand we build our playhouse but its
minutes, months, digging into
exploring. I'm already planning ahead,
tongue tasting, lips gouging,
Choking on your sweet, your sweat.

(Keep your secret)

[28 Feb 2006|07:32pm]
[ mood | fragmented ]

the story of my birth
A woman named mother
coughed out disease
from emphysemic lungs
and i crawled from underneath

Auntie Dawn broke through the clouds, her spine twisted up like the screw-tail of a pig and her body curled in on itself until vomit and cancer were all that remained. And everyone will watch the sun rise again.

(Keep your secret)

41 days on the moon [11 Feb 2006|06:57am]
We have become emotional vampires
gods of our own moments
the embodiment of perfection
we count heads like beans
and covet their meaning
Inside mason jar...
boiled and sealed, our love.
Dusted off only to check the expiration date
then put back for another year.
Glowing, pulsing, intense and stronger than we,
but forgotten like the nukes of russia.
Each monday a lengthy eclipse
spreading, expanding, stretching, breaking

Some old ominious interference resurrected electronically.
Television is our new Jesus leading us to slaughter.

(Keep your secret)

don't you bury me and leave, don't you leave me in the ground alone [23 Aug 2005|06:17pm]
[ mood | grab your knees, fall asleep ]

the end is at the tip of his polished blade
latin finger tips, african lips and eyes like an H bomb
he whispered, sounding in my head like demonic surround sound
"The average girl will scream for help 64 times in an hour."

It was beautiful,
you and I are like two trainwrecks
that happened the same day
I knew exactly how they would remember me
dressed in white
you can only wear white (at a time like this)
you can only wear white...
red painted hand prints, smears and scratches
in the end
we all are lifeless
as royal and blue as a babe
an umbilical noose wrapped thirteen times around his young throat
an invitation to worms
and that skipping record still plays the same eery verse

such a doll.

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

Tea with Miss Sue S. Idle [19 Jun 2005|06:37pm]
[ mood | I'll make ya beg ]

Sketching through the words
tracing the pictures
taking a photograph
of the sadness

Fascinating, how we've held on
not knowing one another, couldn't fathom the idea of another

I covered the face with my thumb
and dyed my hair brown
like the shit that streams out of my mouth

I don't want you to know what I mean.

made some orange tea
passed up the ice
hand laid over the burner
and took a salt shaker to my eyes

The insane ringing in my ears is just the shrill hysteria of a voice in stereo.
you must know what I mean.

I can no longer translate/ communicate unabridged ideas to words.

(Keep your secret)

words of the uninspired [08 Feb 2005|11:50pm]
bad thoughts broke my neck
an hour alone is twelve
twelve times together
there's peace in your eyes
and burden in your heart
when our worlds collide
they will rip us apart.

this is not a love story
I am not perfect
this is not a love story
I am not worth this

one syllable said and I think you'll be missing me. Whatever that really means.

tomorrow with our faces all blandly religious and ash covered can we hit the mall?

(Keep your secret)

wake up train wreck [09 Jan 2005|06:24pm]
you make me wanna try. you make me wanna... puke.
my head feels desperate
my heart feels weak


i want to be filthy and anonymous

(3 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

is it worth it? [13 Dec 2004|11:20pm]
No matter what I do I feel like I'm cheating. Hello? Is this going to be multiple choice?
...
The best I can do is look over the shoulder of the girl in front of me. wrong answer.

made by hand
and crudely stitched together
where flesh and bones
were cracked and severed
lay now in helpless heaps
and shattered whispered screams
the blood still flows
through ruined veins
and shadows are all that moves
caked in reddened stains
tied to this place
imprisoned
by my own leather restraints.

is it love?

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

No more saturday nights [08 Nov 2004|10:10pm]
Scrape shards off my pewter heart
to wear a necklace made of shit
flinging its stench across this lifetime
and centuries into the next
you will be drowned
you will be crushed
under the weight of my malignant love

for you.

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

a big storm is coming and you my friend, are a trailer park. [29 Oct 2004|10:48pm]
I feel nothing
when I look into your face
was your last thought
that you taste razor blades?

layer by layer I'd take you apart
and fall asleep inside
the pit of your wicked heart

don't give up on me now....

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

decorate the dead [20 Sep 2004|07:25pm]
the names of lovers scrawled on headstones
litter the landscape of heart, like trash
Such beautiful poetry I scratched
over their textbook epitaph

(1 Lied to me | Keep your secret)

[21 Jul 2004|08:30pm]
i had a dream that the world was on fire.
but there was a happy ending
we all died.

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